Useful Condescending Phrases

This is just humor: don't do this at work! And don't get me wrong: I love cats. It's just that they once were worshipped as gods, and they haven't forgotten....

1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Traffic Shaping, Not Blocking

Users of RCN broadband access services are complaining about blocking of BitTorrent connections. That seems unlikely, though traffic shaping seems certain. RCN has in the past noted that more than 90 percent of upstream traffic was composed of P2P streams. And since upstream bandwidth is the key resource constraint, RCN traffic shaping was not unexpected. When users are sharing a scarce resource, some "rationing" is simply fairness.

DoCoMo or Softbank for iPhone?

Apple Chief Executive Steve Jobs reportedly has been talking with NTT DoCoMo and Softbank Corp. about becoming the exclusive supplier of iPhones in the Japanese market, says the Wall Street Journal. That market will be quite helpful if Apple is to meet its promised goal of 10 million iPhones sold by the end of 2008.

Japan's nearly 100 million mobile-phone users buy new phones every two years on average, and aren't adverse to paying for advanced electronics, so it seems a natural iPhone market. And smartphone adoption is headed up smartly, as this forecast by Research and Markets shows.

Apple sold a total of 1.4 million iPhones through late September, which shows the importance of adding the Japanese market to the relative handful of countries where the device can be bought. Travelers from countries where iPhone is not yet available, but which use GSM, have been known to stuff several into their bags before heading home from the United States.

Apple appears to be asking for the same percentage of revenue that it receives from other carriers, estimated at about 10 percent of revenue.

A Must-Attend Conference

I am betting that the Emerging Communications Conference 2008, to be held March 12-14, 2008 in San Jose, Calif., will be one of the best meetings of the year. It is quite hard to get Bellheads and Netheads together in any venue where people actually talk to each other. It is very hard to find venues where people interested in Web apps and communications get together. My guess is that this will be a paramount venue in that regard. You should get there.

The link is http://ecommmedia.com/.

Ribbit!

Ribbit has unveiled a new platform for developing telephony services and integrating them with Web apps, as well as what it says is a new business model as well.

The company says it has a 600-plus developer community and already can be integrated with salesforce.com.

"The world doesn't need another phone company," says Ted Griggs, co-founder and CEO at Ribbit. "What it needs is new kind of phone company, one that liberates voice from its current confines -- devices, plans and business models -- and more readily integrates into the workflow of our professional and personal lives."

At the core of Ribbit's technology offering is an open platform that enables developers to bridge the worlds of traditional telephony and the Web. The Ribbit SmartSwitch, evolved from a Lucent-tested CLASS 5 softswitch, and open Flash/Flex-based application programming interface will enable non-telephony developers to quickly build innovative, rich voice applications and integrate them into Web sites, communities and applications, Ribbit says.

By connecting voice from any Flash-enabled browser to the PSTN (public switched telephone network) and new VoIP (voice over IP) networks, over 750 million computers become the next generation of phones with developers deciding how they work, the company says.

With an assortment of back-office and service delivery infrastructure, the platform also enables developers to not only build services, but sell them as well.

In the first quarter of 2008, the Ribbit for Salesforce workflow integration will be available for salesforce.com customers via the AppExchange.

In the first quarter of 2008, Ribbit will open its service to consumers. Also in the first quarter, the company will sell commercial and enterprise packages. Both the consumer, small, medium and enterprise markets will be areas of focus for Ribbit.

Ribbit is another example of the growing "voice is a mashup" trend, where communications and voice simply are integrated with applications.

VON Coalition Europe to Provide Input to EC

The Voice on the Net (VON) Coalition Europe has formed to provide policy advocacy for IP communications in Europe. The coalition will work to educate, inform and promote responsible government policies that enable innovation and the many benefits that Internet voice innovations can deliver.

The recent release of formal Proposals by the European Commission to amend the existing regulatory framework for communications marks the start of a wide ranging review by the Council of Ministers and European Parliament.

Founding members of the VON Coalition Europe include iBasis, Intel, Google, Microsoft, Rebtel, Skype, and Voxbone.

328.7 Billion VoIP Minutes in Third Quarter

Service providers worldwide recorded an estimated traffic volume of 328.7 billion VoIP minutes during the third quarter, according to iLocus. Of those minutes 72.3 billion were local, 232 billion were national long distance and 24.4 billion were used for international long distance.

About 69.1 billion of those minutes were retail, 3.2 were wholesale local VoIP (white labeling, for example).

There is about 10 percent double counting in national long distance and about 20 percent double counting in international long distance. Double counted minutes are those minutes where the same call is being relayed by two or more carriers and counted as traffic by each one of them.

The top five service providers ranked by minutes were China Telecom, China Netcom, AT&T, China Mobile and Qwest.